And so it begins......

Red Mist

Arielle Kebbel and a bunch of other Tweenies

A young US *ahem* Doctor and her cronies give a weird kid a cocktail of drugs and alcohol causing him to slip into a deep coma....or wait! Was it the flashing disco lights that did it......or the fact this film is so shit I nearly lapsed into one as well??? Anyway, sh...e injects him with some miracle drug which, wait for it, causes him to have an out of body experience where he can take over other peoples bodies and go on a mass murder spree killing everyone involved. Hmmmkay!

A Dismal * star

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A Perfect Getaway

Steve Zahn, Timothy Olyphant, Milla Jovovich

The "Normally funny but not so funny in this" Steve Zahn and his newly wed Milla-Im actually quite a good actress-Jovovich are heading to Hawai for their Honeymoon. There's been a Murrrrder on another Hawaiian Island and the culprits are on there way to the ...honeymooners desitination. Mr Olyphant and his Bit of Fluff pop up looking all broody and mischievous. Paranoia sets in....so does a bout of food poisoning if Zahn's face is anything to go by and towards the end of the movie.....all hell breaks loose

An Awsome **** Star

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Surrogates

Bruce Willis, Radha Mitchell, Rosamund Pike

Old Brucie's digitally enhanced to play his Robo-esq Surrogate. As if the World needed to get any lazier......humans no longer interact with one another but use dodgy looking robots to do their dirty work. People start dying, Bruce frowns a lot, there's a big bad g...uy, Bruce frowns some more, there's an even bigger bad guy, Bruce needs botox.........meh!

A respectible *** Star

*nervously peeps around a big door*

So I’ve finally plucked up the courage to create my very own blog. As nerdy and as time consuming as I’ve been told it is…..I feel the need to share my intellect and wisdom into the great big world of CYBER SPACE. Hoorah for me!

So! Where to begin! Who am I and what will these blogs consist of? Well……….I LOVE FILM. All films, any genre. If there’s Gore and scary ass aliens in it…even better. So I suppose you could class this Blog as my very own personal “What’s Hot and What’s Not” for Film. What is a critic if not one person’s opinion? I don’t tend to worry too much if a film is given 1 or 2 stars. I’ll watch and make my own mind up that it’s utter tripe. Yup! There are plenty films which well and truly deserve the lack of those lovely prestigious symbols and would be better off submerged in a pile of Pig shit than ever grace the wonderful shelves of Blockbusters, but Hey ho. I’ve sat through many an hour, hoping and praying for the sweet release of the end credits, just in the hope that the “Big Finale” was worth it. What do you get? A big bag of “I Knew He Was The Bad Guy And That’s Just Shit.” Nothing short of pulling my arm off so I have something to hit the TV…….

But, I have seen some absolute corkers in my time. There’s nothing quite like the feeling of amazement when an awesome twist hits you like a freight train. As great re-watching films can be, I feel a little cheated that I’ll never get the WOW factor from that film again and my heart dies a little inside. Saw, The Game, Scream, Primal Fear, Seven, The Prestige, I Know What You Did Last Summer……ha ha JOKE! Just a few to mention (and I’ve seen these films A LOT) but you never forget your first time *sighs deeply*

I try to be unbiased where films are concerned. Would the Chick Flick fan have liked it? Could you have got my Nan to sit through that 20 min gay love scene? Does a 6 yr old really need to see Cartoon Monkeys in space? What I enjoy may leave others less enthused and vice versa. I can safely say that there is not one Genre that doesn’t appeal to me. My husband, on the other hand states that Musicals are the devils work and have no right in cinematic history. I think sometime me thinks thou dost protest too much. I reckon if I came home early enough from work he’d be swinging his hips to the dulcet tones of Julie Andrews in Mary Poppins……”Sweep your back passage for you mister?”

So I’ll leave you now, safe in the knowledge that I’ll be back after ransacking the entire contents of my film room (yes we have one!) to critique and asses the Blockbusters and the Notsogoodbusters that are cowering behind our glass cabinets.

*pulls out her Bluray and bin bag full of popcorn*

See you in a day or so (when I’m slighter heavier!!)

Fan
xx