Oh the HORROR!

Scream

Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox, David Arquette....oh and Drew Barrymore

Re-invention of the Classic Slasher? Yes indeedy. Just when you thought the horror genre had limped away with the odd entrails popping up here there and everywhere, up jumps this little gem and BOOOOOOOM, hundreds more jump on the bandwagon for a bloodthirsty, gut spilling ride. Drew Barrymore's role was cleverly placed as top billing (if I remember correctly she was all over the Cinema posters and adverts etc etc) and ended up "Sliced and Diced" within the first 10 min of the film.......Awesome casting. Neve (that's Nev not Neeeeeeeeev) Campbell plays a virginal high school girl Sydney Prescott, mentally scarred by her mothers tragic murder who doesn't give it up for her Depp looky-likey Boyf Skeet Ulrich. She's the main target through out the film and plenty of "It's him"...."no no, He's the killer" ensues. Scream doesn't take itself too seriously and that's what I love about this film. Jamie Kennedy's Randy is utter genius, esp the Rules of survival.....so so true to the classic low budget slasher! There's not one character in this film that doesn't belong and even Rose McGowen's Tatum (who, I'm sorry, could probably have someones eye out with those things!) is a good compliment to the meek and mild Sydney. There's plenty of tense moments with one of my favourites (The killers at large, Sydney's at her house waiting for Tatum. She opens a door, music builds up for a climax, she closes it and there's nothing there). I was told that Scream was one of the first movies to adopt that red herring...not sure if that's true, but it's very good and have seen it in lots of other movies since. A healthier looking Courtney Cox is a refreshing change to the emaciated botoxed bore she's now become and it's interesting to see the sparks fly between her and David Arquette. As for Matthew Lillard.....he's my dirty little love secret so there will be no bad reviews from me (yes yes that goes for Scooby Doo too!!!)

An Awesome **** Stars

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My Bloody Valentine 3D

Jaime King, Jensen Ackles, Kerr Smith

SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!!

Firstly, I'm all for this 3D malarkey, but find it so difficult to watch a movie that doesn't have colour. Yes they've managed to fine tune it a bit better that the days of Jaws 3-D and Freddy's Dead BUT it's still Red and Green!!!!! (I know, I know, I know....there are decent glasses now for the likes of Avater, but I don't have them so I'm going to continue moaning until I do)

So! Moving the viewing pleasure aside, is this movie any good? Well, It's no Shawshank Redemption but it does have it's good bits. Jensen Ackles plays his character Tom, a young man who left his home town after nearly being hacked up into little pieces by the town crazyman. 10yrs later he returns only to be suspected of some rather brutal murders that just happened to have started since he rolled by. Mmmmm! I wonder! *rolls eyes* The deaths are grusome, just the way I like them and there's small twists and turns every now and again making you wonder who the murderer really is. Moving the Viewing pleasure back in.....there are some brilliant 3-d deaths that had both my husband and I "URRRRGGGHHHH" and laugh in unison. Always a good sign. Kerr Smith (racked and racked my brain to remember where I knew him from and gave into the IMDB temptation......bloody Final Destination!!!!!!) is good as the "is he a good guy or bad guy" cop and Jaime holds her own as she always does. Was a little disappointed in the ending. All seemed too easy just to go down the route of Crazy Mentalist......with no explanation as to why he turned out that way. Causing a fatal accident in a Mine, creating a savage murdering Miner and nearly being killed by the crazy Mo Fo does NOT constitute as an excuse! Oh! and the title?? Yeah! it all happens on Valentines day. Nice!

A Respectable *** Stars

A couple of goodun's

Hangover

Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Zach Galifianakis

One of the Funniest.Films.Ever....FACT! A group of groomsmen head off to the bright lights and big city of VEGAS for a Stag Night to remember.....or possibly not as the case may be. What unfolds is an 1.30hr of utter hilarity. Mike Tyson's mini skit is comedy genius and I now have a new Messiah of Comedy to worship.....The Legend that is Zach Galifianakis. All characters hold their own in this movie and even the lovely Ken Jeong as an eccentric Chinese Mob boss keeps the belly laughs a' coming. Heather Graham does her usual "I'll smile and grin like a Cheshire cat through the film and hope no one notices that I'm actually not a very good actress" but her role is too short and sweet to care much about to be honest so it doesn't matter. The lads run amok in Vegas, tyring to piece together the previous night in the hope of finding their buddy Doug (the wonderful teenie tiny Justin Bartha) who they've misplaced and who is due to get married in 24hrs. The end credits are HILARIOUS....

An Awsome **** Star

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Gladiator

Russell Crowe, Joaquin Phoenix, Connie Nielson

In what has to be Russell Crowe's best performance to date *IMO* (this is until Robin Hood hits the cinemas....*drool*), Gladiator is one hell of a visual masterpiece. 10yrs later and the visual effects are still astounding, with amazing art direction and cinematography. To really get the most from Gladiator, the extended version is a must. Joaquin Phoenix's chilling performance as the blood thirsty Commodus is heightened in the extended scenes, giving an almost sympathetic view in the character. With this in mind, for me anywho, my entire perception of his actions were shifted, and left me with a different emotion towards the end and his death. Rather than the big "F**k You" ending that the original version led you to believe....."nasty incestuous man kills Crow's family, will stop at nothing to kill Crowe, enjoys a good grope with his sister and thrown his toys out the cot when things don't go right", you're left with a very mixed up pup, who's father's failures(possibly incestuous again) had caused him to become this paranoid lonely individual who you not necessarily feel sorry for but certainly have an understanding towards. Never will words have an effect on me as the historic Line:

"My name is Maximus Dedimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husbands to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life of the next". Shivers.Down.Spine...............That and "Nobody puts baby in a corner!!!!!!" *ahem*

Plus Crowe gets his biceps out and kicks serious ass for the majority of film. Yeah Baby!!

An Incredible ***** Star

A Hottie and a Nottie

Triangle
Melissa George, Liam Hemsworth, Michael Dorman
Melissa- Since i've had my teeth done i can't close my mouth properly - George hops on a boat with a couple of mates and heads off across the sea on a lovely day out, only to be caught in a big bad mother of a storm.....Obviously! Out of the blue, as if from nowhere, all of a sudden, surprise surprise, there's a big eerie Ocean Liner coming their way. They board and then the rest of the film is met with twist after turn after twist with Melissa looking like a guppy gasping for breath. I'm usually pretty good at spotting the ending of a good mooovie, so was a little disappointed in myself when my so called ending came and then royally went.......and then there was another half an hour of twisty turny, could that be the end....no it wasn't....how about now......nope...ah!.....there it is!! I thoroughly enjoyed Triangle. Totally got what the director/writer Mr Christopher Smith (of Severance and Creep fame) wanted to do and he certainly did it very well. Loved the tension although thought there could have been more character building to create more shock and the uncomfortable Ms George never really being able to keep her lips shut without looking like a masticating filly!
An Awesome **** Star
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Angels & Demons
Tom Hanks, Ewen McGregor, Stellan Skarsgard
Now! I have to admit I shouldn't really be commenting on this considering I fell asleep after the first 1.45hr........that in itself is never a good sign! Mr Hanks comes back as Symbolist, Robert Langdon to solve a murrrrrder with clues leading to the age old misfits and mischief makers...the Illuminati. Blah blah blah. The Scottish Ewen McGregor makes an appearance as an Irish Priest...oh sorry, Camerlengo (did you not know that all Irish folk are religious???) and then much chasing around the Vatican for clues to find four captured cardinals and some energy source as powerful as the "Big Bang" theory. Next there's 45 mins worth or "Oooh look, that statues pointing over there, lets follow it" "OMG, that drawing of a thumb is pointing upwards, lets climb that ladder" "WOW, that spear seems to be pointing directly at that deserted van, that must be the last clue" *yawn* With a storyline as bad as Hank's hair plugs, you're not really going to be happy at spending 146mins waiting for the lame ending *husband told me when i woke up and it's pretty rubbish*. Note to Ron Howard.....sometimes less is actually more
A Boring ** Stars

Mind Blowing....Literally!

Pandorum

Dennis Quaid, Ben Foster

So! There's a big spaceship. Dennis Quaid and Ben Foster awake from Hyper sleep to find a load of scary-ass "Descent" like cannibals running around the ship. Dennis and his little buddy start asking questions.........Who are they? How did they get there? Where's the rest of the crew? Where are they travelling? Did we land where we were meant to? Why is my face so expressionless????? Pandorum has the makings to be a really good Horror fest, matching up the the likes of Event Horizon.............But, sadly its so complicated you switch off for the latter part. There's a strange little section which, I'm sorry, might as well be the re-enactment of the crap Captain Walker speech in Mad Max 3 with all the kids. Good twist at the end and as I love Ben Foster anyway....all can be forgiven.

A respectable *** Star

And so it begins......

Red Mist

Arielle Kebbel and a bunch of other Tweenies

A young US *ahem* Doctor and her cronies give a weird kid a cocktail of drugs and alcohol causing him to slip into a deep coma....or wait! Was it the flashing disco lights that did it......or the fact this film is so shit I nearly lapsed into one as well??? Anyway, sh...e injects him with some miracle drug which, wait for it, causes him to have an out of body experience where he can take over other peoples bodies and go on a mass murder spree killing everyone involved. Hmmmkay!

A Dismal * star

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A Perfect Getaway

Steve Zahn, Timothy Olyphant, Milla Jovovich

The "Normally funny but not so funny in this" Steve Zahn and his newly wed Milla-Im actually quite a good actress-Jovovich are heading to Hawai for their Honeymoon. There's been a Murrrrder on another Hawaiian Island and the culprits are on there way to the ...honeymooners desitination. Mr Olyphant and his Bit of Fluff pop up looking all broody and mischievous. Paranoia sets in....so does a bout of food poisoning if Zahn's face is anything to go by and towards the end of the movie.....all hell breaks loose

An Awsome **** Star

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Surrogates

Bruce Willis, Radha Mitchell, Rosamund Pike

Old Brucie's digitally enhanced to play his Robo-esq Surrogate. As if the World needed to get any lazier......humans no longer interact with one another but use dodgy looking robots to do their dirty work. People start dying, Bruce frowns a lot, there's a big bad g...uy, Bruce frowns some more, there's an even bigger bad guy, Bruce needs botox.........meh!

A respectible *** Star

*nervously peeps around a big door*

So I’ve finally plucked up the courage to create my very own blog. As nerdy and as time consuming as I’ve been told it is…..I feel the need to share my intellect and wisdom into the great big world of CYBER SPACE. Hoorah for me!

So! Where to begin! Who am I and what will these blogs consist of? Well……….I LOVE FILM. All films, any genre. If there’s Gore and scary ass aliens in it…even better. So I suppose you could class this Blog as my very own personal “What’s Hot and What’s Not” for Film. What is a critic if not one person’s opinion? I don’t tend to worry too much if a film is given 1 or 2 stars. I’ll watch and make my own mind up that it’s utter tripe. Yup! There are plenty films which well and truly deserve the lack of those lovely prestigious symbols and would be better off submerged in a pile of Pig shit than ever grace the wonderful shelves of Blockbusters, but Hey ho. I’ve sat through many an hour, hoping and praying for the sweet release of the end credits, just in the hope that the “Big Finale” was worth it. What do you get? A big bag of “I Knew He Was The Bad Guy And That’s Just Shit.” Nothing short of pulling my arm off so I have something to hit the TV…….

But, I have seen some absolute corkers in my time. There’s nothing quite like the feeling of amazement when an awesome twist hits you like a freight train. As great re-watching films can be, I feel a little cheated that I’ll never get the WOW factor from that film again and my heart dies a little inside. Saw, The Game, Scream, Primal Fear, Seven, The Prestige, I Know What You Did Last Summer……ha ha JOKE! Just a few to mention (and I’ve seen these films A LOT) but you never forget your first time *sighs deeply*

I try to be unbiased where films are concerned. Would the Chick Flick fan have liked it? Could you have got my Nan to sit through that 20 min gay love scene? Does a 6 yr old really need to see Cartoon Monkeys in space? What I enjoy may leave others less enthused and vice versa. I can safely say that there is not one Genre that doesn’t appeal to me. My husband, on the other hand states that Musicals are the devils work and have no right in cinematic history. I think sometime me thinks thou dost protest too much. I reckon if I came home early enough from work he’d be swinging his hips to the dulcet tones of Julie Andrews in Mary Poppins……”Sweep your back passage for you mister?”

So I’ll leave you now, safe in the knowledge that I’ll be back after ransacking the entire contents of my film room (yes we have one!) to critique and asses the Blockbusters and the Notsogoodbusters that are cowering behind our glass cabinets.

*pulls out her Bluray and bin bag full of popcorn*

See you in a day or so (when I’m slighter heavier!!)

Fan
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